Yes You Can!

Being a teacher/instructor in the computer industry for many years one of the most common thing I heard from people was “I just don’t think I can ever learn to even use a computer”.  By the time the class was over, be it hours, days or weeks, their attitude had changed.  Not only did they learn what they needed to about computers, but I allowed everyone of my students to have the knowledge that they could do anything they wanted to IF they put their mind to it.  They could be successful in any position of their choice.  And in fact, the same could be applied to their personal lives as well.

“Can’t never could do anything”, my dad always said.  He taught me that I could do anything that I wanted to, if I put my mind to it.  But in spite of his words, I had a very rough road.  It wasn’t easy.  I had a lot of things going against me.  My teenage years were very turbulent to say the least.  My early adulthood was far from ideal.  I was a high school drop out.  A college drop out.  I kept getting myself into situations and relationships that were very destructive for me.  My self esteem was on empty.  I felt doomed and many, many times wondered how I would ever get to where I wanted to be in life.  I wasn’t even exactly sure of where I wanted to be in life, but I knew I wasn’t there.

In my early life suicide was like a shadow looming over me.  My life sucked!  I had no idea how to fix it.  I hit rock bottom a good number of times.  So, I’m not one of those people who just had everything good.  It just doesn’t work that way.  If I had not of been through what I have, I would not have learned a thing.  I made bad choices.  Often, there was no choice.  So, life sucks.  Most of us don’t get things the easy way.  We get our hopes up… only to be let down.  Over and over again.  How in the world could you continue to hope for anything better?

There is a learning curve.  We are not always taught how to mentally prepare ourselves to be successful.  Sure, my father implanted some pretty encouraging words when I was young.  But he was also one of the parts of my life that was destructive during very impressionable years of my life.  It doesn’t help that I was a daughter and had an older brother that seemed to have much more in common with my father.  My mother wasn’t a very successful woman herself… finding herself in minimum paying jobs and very controlling relationships.  To a point, I simply refused to be like my mother.  But there was much, much more to it than that.  In fact, I was programmed to be just like my mother.  That’s what was expected after all.

It took me a long time to learn and to get to where I am now.  I am not like my father or my mother, or even my brother.  I am me.  And I had to learn how to be “me” and to be comfortable in being who I am.  Being comfortable with who I am required that I accept who I was and to learn to form who I will be in the future.  No one ever stays completely the same.  It’s an ever evolving changing thing.  Environmental elements tend to play a big part of who we will become.  How we use those elements will determine if we grow into a better, happier, person or if we allow life to kick us around.

I hope that you will join me.  I can not guarantee anything.  What I can promise you is that you can learn what I learned to do.  How I learned.  Why I learned.  And become the person with the career that you want.  And yes, I incorporate careers in with personal lives.  If you think that your career can’t or won’t affect your life, you are wrong.  You can keep work at work… but it still affects you.  You experience your work just as you would experience anything else in your life… it is a significant part of your life.  It will not be easy, I will also tell you that.  Some days you may hate me.  I am not a doctor or therapist of any kind.  I am a human who has been there.

If you have no interest in improving your life… this blog site is not for you.

Are you ready to get real?

  1. Depression

    • Depression is a problem I know a lot about myself.  I’ve dealt with it.  I’ve fought that battle many times.  I finally learned how to win.  I know, “I can’t control it”,[...]
    • Depression is a problem I know a lot about myself.  I’ve dealt with it.  I’ve fought that battle many times.  I finally learned how to win.  I know, “I can’t control it”, but you can if you know how.

      I fought depression as an adolescent.  I hated my life, I hated myself.  It grew worse as I entered my teenage years.  Multiple suicide attempts.  One landing me in the ICU.  I ran away from home.  I did everything… I just totally hated my life.  I began cutting myself just to try to ease the pain inside.  In my early 20’s it wasn’t much better.  Again, suicide attempts.  Feeling helpless.  The hatred for myself and my life continued.  In my early 30’s depression was becoming a very hot topic.  I tried every kind of over the counter supplement I could find.  But still… the feeling lingered.  In my mid 30’s things took an even bigger turn for the worse.  I couldn’t get out of bed to go to work.  I fell asleep at work.  I would often go to an empty conference room at work and just cry.  I’d cry on my way to work.  I duck out of work early.  I could not concentrate.  I really didn’t care any more.  I slept and slept and slept.  One day I realized that the medications weren’t going to do it all for me.  I couldn’t live this way any longer.

      I did a lot of research regarding depression.  One thing I found was that sun light has a definite direct affect on it.  In fact, people were making “light boxes” to assist them when they could not get sun light.  Where the “light boxes” do not work as well as sun light, they do help.  They project light onto your face to have the body create certain chemicals to counter act the depression.  I preferred to get out into the sun light.  It helped me a lot when I did… but getting there was a task.  Laying in bed, feeling that heavy load of depression on me, I physically and mentally forced one leg of the bed at a time.  One foot on the floor at a time.  Then sitting up.  One step at a time.  I forced myself to get out of bed which was a big part of the battle for me.  Then I decided that it did not matter what I was wearing, as long as I was clothed, go directly outside.  I started doing this everyday.  It got easier the more I did it.

      My research also suggested exercise.  I had a wonderful dog that I loved dearly.  I started slowly, just to the end of the block and back.  Months passed.  It got easier and easier.  Before you know it I was walking 3 1/2 miles per day.  I was feeling much better. But still, something was not quite right.  It was not something I had any control over really, my environment.  My husband at that time was very controlling.  And always seemed to be trying to pull my strings and trip me up.  I discovered a great hobby, gardening.  He didn’t like going outdoors, and I needed to be, so it was perfect for me.  But still, I never got complete peace until I changed my environment and the people that were trying to create issues for me.  I divorced my husband and moved.  Best thing I could have ever done.

      Now, I’m in no way suggesting that divorcing your spouse will help your depression, most spouses are usually pretty supportive.  It’s just that I realized that my spouse was an antagonist.  He wasn’t helping me.  In fact, the opposite.  And that does happen.

      To sum it up, it’s not going to be easy.  Get as much sun light and exercise as you can.  Force yourself to do it.  It will get easier the more you do it.

      It’s worthy to note that there is a particular depression called SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).  This type of depression affects people usually when the season changes and the days are shorter.  It is very important to identify this and to make sure that when the days get shorter to start counter acting it.  Perhaps a “light box” may be in order.

  2. Disorders

    • Having been labeled myself with a few “disorders”, what I have to say is not meant to demean anyone that has been diagnosed with a mental or personality disorder.  But, hear me out! There[...]
    • Having been labeled myself with a few “disorders”, what I have to say is not meant to demean anyone that has been diagnosed with a mental or personality disorder.  But, hear me out!

      There is a huge difference between mental disorders and personality disorders.  The primary thing that comes to mind is that with mental disorders it is a chemical problem in the brain.  With personality disorders, well, they are learned disorders.  Either can wreak havoc on your life no doubt.  But personality disorders are usually treated differently than mental disorders.  Usually, personality disorders are treated via BMOD (Behavior Modification) only.  Mental disorders are usually treated with a combination of medications and BMOD in some cases.

      There has been an a literal explosion in the diagnoses of disorders since the 1990’s.  If you think about it there is a disorder that covers most any kind of quirk or problem a person may have.  There are thousands and thousands of combinations of disorders.  Some overlap each other to a great extent.  Today, if you sent 100 people to be evaluated by a psychiatrist you can pretty much count on at least 80 or more being diagnosed with some type of disorder.  Why?

      We live in an age where it’s easier and financially beneficial for doctors and pharmaceutical companies to slap a label or two on you and medicate.  And let’s face it, parents of the 90’s and since are very different from the parents of the 60’s and 70’s.  Life was different.  I’m not saying things were harder or easier during any time frame.  I’m just saying that kids of the 60’s and 70’s learned to deal with things a lot differently than the kids born later on did.  Misbehaving was NOT and still IS NOT a disorder… it’s the result of a defective parent.  But in fairness it’s not entirely the parents fault.  Laws came around that made things difficult to discipline kids and to teach them how to behave and deal with things.  And still, they can slap a label on it.

      To sum things up, there are probably a lot of folks out there diagnosed with some sort of disorder that probably really shouldn’t be.  And it’s not helping them at all in the long run.  I think there is a lot of over diagnosing going on.

  3. Pity Parties

    • Some people like to wallow in self pity.  The “Poor Me” syndrome.  Often times it can be brought on by a mental disorder, but not always.  It’s when people go through periods of time[...]
    • Some people like to wallow in self pity.  The “Poor Me” syndrome.  Often times it can be brought on by a mental disorder, but not always.  It’s when people go through periods of time where they can think of only bad things in their life.  Not to be confused with clinical depression, these people will act it out even on social media strictly to gain sympathy from others.  They are seeking attention in this manner.

      Generally, these folks are not “called out” for what they are doing.  Instead of holding their feet to the fire and making them stop wallowing in pity for themselves and asking pity from others, people general find it easier to just give them what they want and move on… and the next time… and the next time… and on and on.

      These people want others to feel sorry for them.  Usually, no matter what you say there will be a come back of something bad.  An excuse.  Or something worse.  You’ll hear or see “I can’t” a lot.  If you are one to get stuck in such a pity party, stop doing it.  If you get sucked in once, they can and will seek you out again for the same “fix”.

      I personally have been a member of online groups and forums for self help and saw it all of the time.  Nothing really ever seemed to help some people.  They just wanted the attention.  I finally had to stop going to such groups and forums as they provided no real solutions to problems and issues… they just provided pity.  I am in no way saying their aren’t good groups and forums out there for help.  I’m just stating my own experience.

      If you find that you do dwell too much in your self pity, please, for your own sake… stop.  Look around you.  Dwelling in self pity is a very destructive tendency and will not benefit you at all.  Look at what is good in your life and concentrate on that.  Seeking out others for help can be helpful IF the support you are given is good solid support and moves you out of your self destructive tendency to require attention to it.  And don’t confuse it with venting.  Venting is something entirely different.  A pity party is performed more than once or twice… it’s not “letting go” of anything like venting is.  It’s done to have others feel sorry for you and to get attention.  And it’s not healthy.  The kind of attention you get usually is not going to help you.

      Life does suck sometimes.  But, you have to look for the good.  Focus on the good parts of your life.  Letting yourself slide into a state that requires you to seek attention for your woes is not the answer.  I’m not saying that you shouldn’t talk about things that you feel are wrong in your life with the appropriate person that can actually help you.  I’m saying don’t use it to get attention.

      Use mental self talk… in your thoughts tell yourself things that are good about yourself and your life.  If you think about it, you will find many things that are good!  You don’t need the attention of others to feel good about yourself.  Don’t make it a requirement.

      Mental disorder or not… it’s up to you to change destructive behavior.